I loved his personality…but i HATED everything else.

I loved him. I loved so much about him, from the way he stuttered nervously while trying to speak to me, to the way he smiled when we got into tickle fights…. but i HATED everything else. I hated everything else about him besides his personality. I hated the way he breathed, i got angry when he called me on the phone, I got annoyed by his touch, i got aggravated by his scent. No, I did not hate these things because i found them themselves to be annoying, but i hated them because HE was the one doing them.

It’s only with him. It is only when he did these things, that it annoyed me to the point of screaming at him to LEAVE ME ALONE. Now looking back, I realize that the way I  treated him when i got aggravated with him, was wrong… I wasn’t aware of how awfully i treated him. Well, i guess i kind of understood how much i mistreated him, but at the time, i felt as if he deserved it. I felt as though what he was doing to me, was pure evil. That every little thing he did, was to annoy me, to push me over the edge. It’s only now that I realize just how much he wanted to make me happy…

He sacrificed SO MUCH…just to make me smile….and i NEVER even thanked him for how hard he was trying. I made him out to be the bad guy, i made HIM out to be insane, when in actuality, it was ME. I guess we all go through a time in which we feel pretty low. We all have done things that we regret, and  i will NEVER fully forgive myself for the way i treated him. I have apologized, which is saying a lot considering I’m normally too stubborn to apologize and take fault, so I guess you can see that i felt pretty damn bad…

But even though i miss him so so SO much…i will never allow myself to be his friend again. I will NEVER allow myself to be as close with him as we once were, in fear of making the same mistakes i once did. He deserves better. He and I just simply are bad for each other…

Like fire and water…we can never touch, because if we do, we both will end up getting hurt.

Goodbye </3


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