She was Trapped Within Herself

She told lies so much that eventually, they became the truth. She no longer knew what the truth was. She became consumed in her lies. She fell face first, with a blind fold, directly into the pit in which she dug herself, only to be buried by the new persona she had created. She didn’t mean for things to stretch this far, but the lies built on, one after the other. It’s like she had been pushed, and now all she could do was fall, there was no way back.

She had become a different person, but the person that she had been was still stuck inside of her, stuck in the body of who she physically was, but not spiritually. She had slowly faded into the deep depths of her own mind, only to come out late at night, when she was alone and vulnerable. She was lost, lost inside of her own skin, witnessing the horrors she brought upon herself and not being able to do anything about it.

She watched from up close, yet so far, as she herself had ruined everything that she had worked so hard for. She watched herself turn into something that she promised she would never be. It’s a difficult thing, to become the monster that you had always feared, to have to witness you lose your own mind. She wasn’t in control of her own body, only her thoughts. She drifted into her head, because that was the only place that she could be herself.

On the outside, she had already been taken over by this being that she feared. She was screaming constantly yet nobody ever heard. Her eyes darted around the room, making eye contact, hoping that someone would notice that she needs help. Her eyes were the windows to the person that she truly was. As she walked around, communicating with others everyday, she was breaking inside, trying to keep alive what little was left of her.

Advertisements

You Drove me to INSANITY.

You’re no longer who you used to be.

You’re no longer the man who was once in love with me…

You turned and walked away and when your friends asked about why you left, you said, “She’s crazy”.

But am I crazy? Am I truly insane? Well, now maybe I am, because all of the words you said to me and behind my back, are now all stuck in my brain.

I was happy, and I was nice to everyone….

and now look at what you have done…

I cry every night…because I feel so stupid for all the times that I believed in your LIES….

but they aren’t lies…right?…

because I’m the one who’s mentally ill…

yet you’re the one who obsessed over me, you’re the one who would never leave me be…

yet I STILL love you…

I wake up to 23 missed calls from you at 7:am on a weekend…

The reasoning behind your obsessive calling?… Your “text message wouldn’t send”. …

but no…I’m the one who needs help…

because I screamed at you when you said you hated me…because i chose not to whisper, but to YELL.

So tell your friends that I’m submitted to a mental hospital…

because after all…..you’re the one who got me here…